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." She swallowed. "He's dead." Sweetie..." said Stasya. "What he chose to do with his life is his business. Not yours. You're responsible only for yourself." Yeah," Meredith said. "And I... Wasn't very nice to him, was I. What he did was what he did, but I still did bad things... Horrible things. And I'm not sure if I can deal with that."Stasya had no answer. Neither did Jeff. He could see both sides of the argument, unfortunately, which wasn't helping matters."So, there was that," Meredith said. "And then there was that whole thing with Jane, with her... Going over the deep end. And then I went off to summer camp and we just hadn't been able to work anything out. So here I am, at summer camp, doing all this music stuff... And I was miserable."Stasya made a surprised noise. "Wow. You love summer camp. I mean, you love music." Yeah," Meredith said, with a humorless laugh. "See how unhappy I was?" I see," Stasya agreed."And the reason I was so unhappy was because the whole thing was. On the road, I contacted Gerald. He was full of theory, but not so much practical help. This was a common issue between us. Finally he said, "Stop worrying about it. Channel Sheila and you'll be fine. Most people I would tell to channel Sean, but you've been doing that all your life. Sheila is the one you need to focus on."That made entirely too much sense. Gerald once said that Sheila could deliver a thirty-minute briefing in fifteen seconds. She could verbally cut you to ribbons, without raising her voice. You might not get her sharpest point for a week. In a way, it was complimentary. Stupid people would never get it all. Gerald also said that soft handling fools was not one of Sheila's skills.Put like that, what I needed to do was obvious. When I arrived in Boston, I spent an hour with Veronica. Mostly she told me what she wanted to do, and I told her what resources I could let her have. As I left, I told her that I liked the direction we were going. Then I corrected myself. I.
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